JK's Loose Ends: All Tied Up in Vegas
by Paraduxx
Summary: Written for The Leaky Cauldron's writing contest. Thought I would post it here to see if I have a chance...it's pretty funny if I do say so myself :


We all know that in the muggle world there is NO WAY that any of these wizard kids would be old enough to drink…but we're going to ignore that and assume a memory charm has been placed upon all Vegas employees leaving them incapable of uttering the phrase: "May I see some ID?"

Harry Potter was idling away the sticky summer day inside the cool "this-is-costing-me-so-much-it's-worth-more-than-your-life-boy" air conditioned number 4 Privet Drive (all provided by his benevolent uncle), when suddenly an owl appeared outside his window carrying a letter, it read:

Hey Harry! I hope your summer is going ok so far even though I know you're probably miserable as usual with those awful people you are required to call family…ANYWAY, Hermione just sent me a letter telling me that her parents are going to this muggle place called Las Vegas and that you, me, and Ginny are all invited! I'm not sure what it's like, but Hermione said something about showgirls so I figured it can't be allll bad. Pack your things mate! We'll be coming by floo to get you almost immediately after….

Harry didn't get to finish the rest due to his uncle, aunt, and Dudley screaming their heads off downstairs.

"What the blazes! In the middle of my favorite!….Potter your crazy friends!...who are these people!...my home, my expensive rug!...dirt will be in the new air system…!"

A few seconds later Ron and Ginny were standing in Harry's room breathless and wide-eyed.

"You packed yet mate? We have to get out of here; my wand isn't in good enough condition to throw out enough hexes to calm them down!"

Harry picked up his travel bag and threw in a few belongings in what was quite possible record time.

"You can send Hedwig to our house, Harry," said Ginny, whose eyes, Harry happened to notice, looked much nicer than usual, which he didn't think, was actually possible.

With Hedwig gone, the three proceeded downstairs where Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were scrubbing the rug (Dudley, was nowhere to be found).

Ignoring his families screams, Harry was the last to use the floo powder Ron brought, and seconds after shouting "Sin City!" Harry found himself standing in a room that was quite possibly the size of the Gryffindor common room.

"Finally you're here!" shouted Hermione as she proceeded to enthusiastically throw her arms around Harry. "Let's go win some money!"

Flash forward a few days….Ginny and Hermione are playing the slots inebriated beyond all sense of the word….

"Having fun so far, Ginny?" asked Hermione , her face dropping as she lost more money. "I'm pretty sure these machines were invented by Voldemort."

"Haha. Yeah, I'm having a great time, but you know who's having an even better time?" Ginny asked as she snapped at a waitress, "We'll have another two JD's on the rocks…oh, make that four, because with this service I doubt we'll be seeing you by the time we're ready for more." The waitress gave Ginny a nasty, forced smile and continued on her way.

"Ginny that was so rude!"

"Huh? Oh I'll just erase her memory"

"That's illegal for a student to do! Especially out of school! Wait, who's having an even better time?"

"Um, your Ronniekins of course. He dragged Harry to see Celine Dion for the FOURTH TIME last night."

"Is THAT where they went! But where were they after that?"

"We wer' playin' proker 'ermoine," came the slurring voice of Ron from behind them.

"Well did you WIN anything? Not that it matters because I haven't lost once," said Hermione airily.

"Well as an…actually…matter fact--" Ron, hiccupping, was suddenly interrupted.

"Harry!" screamed Ginny as Harry seemed to trip over his own two feet and fall to the casino floor. "That's it Ronald! No more Celine Dion shows! Can't you see what it's doing to him?"

Just then, the waitress was back with their drinks. "I'll tip her 'ermione, generously…eecause I won so mudch, you… know," Ron said, swaying as he pulled out two one-hundred dollar bills and placed them on the waitresses tray. "How you doin'?" he said with a wink. "How do yuu like 'at line? I learned that one from Joey…that show…you know, about friends that you mu-uggles watch."

Hermione aggressively snatched two drinks from the tray and brought one to Ginny.

"Here," said Ron, still eyeing the waitress who, it was evident, was thrilled about the tip but couldn't wait to get away from Ron's salivating mouth. "Give 'im some orve this. It'll wake 'im up," he said, bringing over the drink the waitress just brought them and tapping a few drops onto Harry's lips.

"Holy cricket," said Ginny in disbelief as Harry sat bolt upright. "I can't believe that worked."

"Yep," Ron said looking quite proud of himself. "Muggles don't know a whole lot about magic, but they certainly found a good substitute for _enervate_."

"What's that?" Harry asked, squinting through his crooked glasses.

The other three turned to look in the same direction as Harry.

Peaking out over the slot machines a few feet away was what appeared to be the top point of a sapphire blue wizard's hat.

Curious and bewildered, the four of them walked cautiously over to the row of slot machines the hat had been spotted.

As they rounded on the very row of said hat, the two witches and two wizards looked in disbelief at their former headmaster energetically playing the slot machine drinking what looked like a bottle of Amstel Light.

The former headmaster stopped in the middle of what sounded like a hilarious conversation (at least to him), with someone that the four friends could not see, and coughed on his beer as he turned to see four familiar heads stacked on top of one another at the end of the row of slot machines.

"Dumbledore!" three of them shouted in unison, Ron was a bit behind on the timing as well as pronunciation with—"-edmaster umbledrr!"

"But you're supposed to be dead!" shouted Harry as he walked over to his former mentor…well, formerly _alive_ mentor.

"I am! You are all _very _drunk and _hallucinating_ it seems, I'm not actually here. Now, go back to your room and get some rest. Or married! This is Vegas, after all," said Dumbledore as uncomfortably shifted and turned back to his game.

Ron proceeded to wobble over to the bearded man in blue robed and hesitantly poked him.

"He is alive!" Ron shouted.

"But Headmaster…why! Wait a minute, I don't trust Ron, he's drunker than Slughorn at Aragog's funeral," said Harry as he, too, wobbled over and poked him. "You are alive! And who's this?" he said, pointing to the man seated next to Dumbledore.

"Oh, ehhh…kids, this is Nicholas Flamel!"

Nicolas Flamel waved jovially, "Can I interest anyone in a drink?"

"Snape killed you!" shouted Harry. "And you're supposed to be dead too!"

Albus Dumbledore put up both of his hands so as to calm Harry down. "I'll explain everything, my boy! But right now Nickie and I are going to be late for a show! We have extra tickets for you all. It seems the rest of our party is doing quite well at black jack, so I don't believe they will be joining us."

"Who else are you here with?" asked Ginny.

"Sirius Black, Cedric Diggory and your parents, Harry!"

Flash forward a few hours. The six magical people are sitting in a dimly lit auditorium waiting for a show to begin…

"So, as I was saying, I did not die in the muggle sense of the word."

Harry and Ginny were sitting closest to Dumbledore, spellbound by every word that spilled from his mouth, mostly because, if they didn't pay attention, they wouldn't be able to hear what he had to say due to Hermione and Ron snogging in the adjacent two seats.

"No one in the wizard world actually dies, we're sent here—to Vegas! It's wonderful Harry! Like that place muggles call heaven—perfection! No more dealing with Voldemort or the ministry for me!"

"But we need you! You were MURDERED!" Ginny squealed.

"No you don't! You kids have it _all_ under control! I wasn't murdered, either. It was more like assisted suicide. Why do you think I told you everything I know? Snape and I _planned_ my death! He is completely innocent! It was time for me to have some fun! By the way, are you all enjoying yourselves? Do you need anymore to drink? Oh goodie, the show is starting!" Dumbledore said to his two former pupils who were so shocked by what they were hearing that they looked petrified. "I'm so excited to see this show! Nicholas and I have seen this show so many times; I think this makes number 15! Celine Dion is spectacular, don't you agree?"

"Yes!" shouted Ron from under Hermione's hair.

THE END


End file.
